“If they respect you, respect them. If they disrespect you, still respect them. Do not allow the actions of others to decrease your good manners, because you represent yourself, not others.”—Mohammad Zeyara (via universeobserver)
“Start now. Start where you are. Start with fear. Start with pain. Start with doubt. Start with hands shaking. Start with voice trembling but start. Start and don’t stop. Start where you are, with what you have. Just … start.”—Ijeoma Umebinyuo (via parlouz)
1. Date a boy who makes you happy, but marry him only if he makes you laugh deep-belly rumbles that hurt your ribs as they expand outwards. Date him when he sees that you’re hurting and he gives you a moment to feel that pain like a handprint spreading across your consciousness, marry him only if he can make you smile even while you’re gross sobbing. The world is not a kind place. You will feel a lot of pain. Make sure you are with someone who makes it all bearable. Humor is an excellent gauge of intelligence. Life gets boring. Find someone who makes the banal interesting.
2. Make sure he has scars on the back of his hands, it’s a good sign he has experience either fighting or making things - creation is an act of selflessness and bruised knuckles are a good sign he knows how to defend himself. You’ve got too much soul to be handled by someone who has never been passionate. If he’s never thrown a punch, let him at least have tasted the insanity of bringing an idea into existence. Rough palms are better than soft ones, they have been salted by this earth and made into leather. Callouses are evidence he has lived, that he has broken skin and been in pain over and over and over again and still came back to the source of it. People rub against each other. Don’t marry him if he can’t handle even a little blister.
3. Before you say yes, get him angry. See him scared, see him wanting,see him sick. Stress changes a person. Find out if he drinks and if he does, get him drunk - you’ll learn more about his sober thoughts. Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them. You can’t change people, baby girl. If they are made one way, it doesn’t just wear off. If you hate how he acts when he’s out of it now, you’re going to hate it much worse eight years down the road. You might love him to bits but it doesn’t change that some people just don’t fit.
4. Trust your instincts. If he ever makes you feel unsafe, don’t make excuses, just get up and leave. That’s all there is to it. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
5. If he puts money before you, he’ll keep pushing you to the bottom of the pile until you become his last priority. It’s one thing if he can’t afford what you want, it’s another if he has the cash but won’t spring for a box of chicken mcnuggets. Money and love are arch enemies. 62% of divorces occur due to economic strain. Make sure keeping you is more important than his 401k.
6. How a man treats animals is a good indicator of how he treats children. If you see him raise a hand to a dog, pack your things into a little black bag. Animals at their worst are only half as annoying as a toddler on their best behaviour. Your kids will be beautiful, but they will also misbehave. Same goes for waiters and hotel maids - if he’s rude to those who are working for minimum wage, it says a lot about how he sees himself. Patience is rare and so important. If he’s not forgiving to a dog, he’s not good for your kids.
7. If he isn’t in awe of you, he doesn’t deserve you. You are my little girl and you were born perfect. If he can’t see that, it’s his loss. There is someone who thinks your flaws power his heart. Be strong. If he asks you to change, be like like rock of your birthstone, do not waver. You are wondrous just the way that you are.
when you hear those words, you turn tail and run as fast as you can. you run before it’s too late. These words are an abuse tactic
you are worth the world, and never, even in your darkest, believe that this one person is the only one who gives a shit. I have seen the kindness of strangers and friends alike, and you are not unloved. do not believe them.
“I think we ought to read only the kind of books that wound and stab us. If the book we are reading doesn’t wake us up with a blow on the head, what are we reading it for?”—Franz Kafka, 1904 (via pragmaknowledge)
“So fail. Be bad at things. Be embarrassed. Be afraid. Be vulnerable. Go out on a limb or two or twelve, & you will fall & it’ll hurt. But the harder you fall, the farther you will rise. The louder you fail, the clearer your future becomes. Failure is a gift, welcome it. There are people who spend their whole lives wondering how they became the people they became, how certain chances passed them by, why they didn’t take the road less traveled. Those people aren’t you. You have front row seats to your own transformation, & in transforming yourself, you might even transform the world. & it will be electric, & I promise you it will be terrifying. Embrace that; embrace the new person you’re becoming. This is your moment. I promise you, it is now, now, not two minutes from now, not tomorrow, but really now. Own that; know that deep in your bones. & go to sleep every night knowing that, wake up every morning remembering that. & then…keep going.”—Daily Tumblr Love Quotes (via thelovewhisperer)
ENTP- Too unrealistic/ uncommitted INTP- Lost inside of their head too often INTJ- Too apathetic about people ENTJ- Too controlling ENFP- Too talkative INFP- Can’t decide what they want INFJ- Too quiet ENFJ- Too sensitive ESTP- Self-contradicting ISTP- Too focused on improving things they can come off as ungrateful ISTJ- Perfectionist ESTJ- Too dependent on structure ESFP- Arrogant ISFP- Too clingy ISFJ- Too paranoid/ stressed ESFJ- Think they always know what’s right
“When you’re an introvert like me and you’ve been lonely for a while, and then you find someone who understands you, you become really attached to them. It’s a real release.”—Lana Del Rey (via sad-plath)
“You don’t need anyone’s affection or approval in order to be good enough. When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn’t actually about you. It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs, and you don’t have to internalize that. Your worth isn’t contingent upon other people’s acceptance of you — it’s something inherent. You exist, and therefore, you matter. You’re allowed to voice your thoughts and feelings. You’re allowed to assert your needs and take up space. You’re allowed to hold onto the truth that who you are is exactly enough. And you’re allowed to remove anyone from your life who makes you feel otherwise.”—Daniell Koepke (via jesussbabymomma)
“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy.
But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable.
You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real—but you create the context. And the context is everything.
The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.”—Chuck Klosterman, "Killing Yourself to Live" (via avvfvl)
If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another.
The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.
“Forgive the past. It is over. Learn from it and let go. People are constantly changing and growing. Do not cling to a limited, disconnected, negative image of a person in the past. See that person now. Your relationship is always alive and changing.”—Brian L. Weiss, Messages from the Masters: Tapping Into the Power of Love (via kushandwizdom)
“You are so good. So good, you’re always feeling so much. And sometimes it feels like you’re gonna bust wide open from all the feeling, don’t it? People like you are the best in the world, but you sure do suffer for it.”—Silas House, This is My Heart for You (via unmaiden)
“Do not sit still; start moving now. In the beginning, you may not go in the direction you want, but as long as you are moving, you are creating alternatives and possibilities.”—Rodolfo Costa (via tellmefive)
It’s okay to be soft when the rest of the world is rough. It’s okay that you’re easily upset. It’s okay that you get hurt easily. It’s not a bad thing that you feel so much.
It’s okay that your hands shake.
It’s okay that you like dirty mirrors and blurry pictures better than crisp images of yourself because you’re so used to being a ghost. It’s okay to not feel real sometimes.
You don’t have to be pretty when you cry. It’s okay that your mind plays tricks on you so often that you have no idea what you actually look like.
Remind yourself that it is okay to disconnect. It’s okay to take time to recharge.
It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to be lonely and to be vulnerable.
It’s okay to hate yourself but only if you remind yourself that it is not permanent. It’s okay to be sad as long as you remind yourself that it is not permanent.
As long as you are alive, you are growing, changing. I think the world is changing as much as I am because the trees outside my window don’t look the same as they did yesterday. I don’t think I will ever be the same person I was when I was at my worst.
Know that honesty is the easiest way to heal.
So maybe you don’t hate who you are now. You hate who you were yesterday. Your mind hasn’t caught up with your soul.
Promise me, promise me you’ll remind yourself that it’s okay to be yourself tomorrow.
“Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you’re 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.”—Anne Lamott (via jerfreyy)
And when you choose a life partner, you’re choosing a lot of things, including your parenting partner and someone who will deeply influence your children, your eating companion for about 20,000 meals, your travel companion for about 100 vacations, your primary leisure time and retirement friend, your career therapist, and someone whose day you’ll hear about 18,000 times.
things life is too short for: - hating yourself - pretending to laugh at “jokes” that are actually just bigoted statements - not singing along to your favorite songs - waiting hours to text someone back just to look cool - bad coffee - bad books - mean people - body shaming - letting other people dictate your life
WHAT EVERY PERSON WHO FEELS TO MUCH DESERVES TO BE TOLD
“I wish I took up less space in the universe.”
This was, one of the many messages, anonymously sent to my blog by a reader some time ago. I did not know how to respond despite the fact that I kept writing poems about recovery and how to cope with depression, anxiety, trauma, abuse and other experiences that make a person feel too much as though there is a great white shark eating their chest; a mountain on the length of their collarbones; and cobwebs coming out of their mouth when they try to utter words. Words that, nonetheless, could make them feel better at least for an hour, or a day, until they realize that there is a way out—that there is a way to breathe. Words, as easy as people might seem to think they are, are one of the hardest units of living, breathing things I choose to deal with every day. And in so far, in the English language there are approximately two hundred fifty thousand distinct words in usage. But that anonymous message, comprised only of nine out of thousands, seem to bother me more than anything else. Growing up, I was consumed with the idea that every single thing that breathes, and forgets that it can breathe like a candy wrapper or my mother’s vase, has a purpose, a story. A little poem in them. That if a powerful being created something as beautiful and as tragic as this universe, it was for a reason. Within this reason is the conglomeration of every purpose of these little things combined—what your eyes can see, your fingers can touch, your throat can swallow, your mind could think and feel—and more than anything else, you entirely, as a person. As someone who deserves to take up space. So after I read the message, if my mouth had said anything, it was the word no, and if my hands could say something it was this: LaPorte, an author, blogger, and motivational speaker once wrote, “So much is because of you. Consider everything you’ve ever been thanked for. Every photo you’ve been in. Every corner you’ve turned. Every time you’ve signed your name. Consider that you radiate. At all times. Consider that what you’re feeling right now is rippling outward into a field of is-ness that anyone can dip their oar into…” You are not sadness. You are not the cigarette burns on your elbows. Someone will hold you like a daffodil and you will bloom the way you’re supposed to, with no stinging burns but with a blanket of freedom. You are worth every piece of clothing; you need not to be naked to be loved. Your body is not ugly. You are not an apology. You are a wonder created, so do not only tell yourself that you’re beautiful in front of a broken mirror. You have to feel it in the recesses of your skin, along the lines of your collarbones, in the inhales and exhales of air that linger on the edges of your lips. You have to breathe it. Nobody has ever told you that your voice cracks beautifully, like old radios playing music even with a background static on a Sunday afternoon. These are moments when you are not the scars on your skin or the blood between your lips. Even if you do not believe it, your eyes can peel off sour skins of oranges, and your hands can heal the bruises given to you by default. You are a carousel ride from the moon and back. You deserve a star-crossed lover who can make you feel like so. You have the right to feel shitty like everyone else. Remember that once in a while you can smash the telephone and yell you have had enough. Your arms will keep you from breaking, your tears will make your lungs feel lighter, and that is when you will learn how to love yourself. Not in parts, not in pieces, but in whole. More than anything else, you are still here and your existence is incomparable to anything small and insignificant. “…You are felt. You are heard. You are seen. If you were not here, the world would be different. Because of your presence, the universe is expanding.”
This marvelously written and heart-breakingly beautiful.
1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.
2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.
3. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.
4. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.
5. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.
6. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.
7. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.
8. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.
9. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.
10. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.
11. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.
13. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.
14. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.
15. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.
“This isn’t the real me, yet it is. There’s different versions of me, and they’re all the real me. And you know what? That kills me. It’s too confusing. I’m not one person. I’ve got a twenty-something body, eight-year old heart, eighteen-year old mind, and eighty-year old soul.”—All Cowboys Need Pretty Girls (via koreyan)
“I guess I’m everything they say I am, all right. I haven’t any friends. That’s supposed to prove I’m abnormal. But everyone I know is either shouting or dancing around like wild or beating up one another. Do you notice how people hurt each other nowadays?”—Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (via loveless-people)
“You have this one life. How do you wanna spend it? Apologizing? Regretting? Questioning? Hating yourself? Dieting? Running after people who don’t see you? Be brave. Believe in yourself. Do what feels good. Take risks. You have this one life. Make yourself proud.”—(via moonist)
“The unreal is more powerful than the real. Because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because it’s only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on. If you can change the way people think, the way they see themselves, the way they see the world — you can change the way people live their lives. That’s the only lasting thing you can create.”—Chuck Palahniuk, Choke (via larmoyante)
“Never apologize for how you feel. No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn’t apologize for being the sun. The rain doesn’t say sorry for falling. Feelings just are.”— Iain S. Thomas, Intentional Dissonance (via radicalteen)
“I will love you as a thief loves a gallery and as a crow loves a murder, as a cloud loves bats and as a range loves braes. I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence, and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong.”—Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters (via avvfvl)
“Some days I woke up and got out of bed and brushed my teeth like any normal human being; some days I woke up and lay in bed and looked at the ceiling and wondered what the hell the point was of getting out of bed and brushing my teeth like any normal human being.”—Ned Vizzini, It’s Kind of a Funny Story (via elauxe)